The Lost Sideburn
by Number1PixarFan
Summary: Oneshot. Jesse hears that he could have the chance to own a lock of Elvis's hair and ends up flying to Graceland on a whim.


**A/N: The other day, I saw something in the news somewhere that someone was selling a lock of Elvis's hair. Of course, I automatically thought of Jesse, and that's where this random little oneshot came from. **

**Lisa Marie Presley is Elvis's daughter. I did my research. **

**Also, about when this takes place, it's really up to interpretation. I know that it's somewhere in the last three or four seasons, but exactly where, I'm not sure. You can choose.**

**Hope you enjoy! Please R&R!**

* * *

Stephanie flipped through the pages of the Sunday newspaper for something interesting to use for current events. "Politics . . . boring. Weather . . . boring. Comics . . . I'm not Joey." She sighed and lay her head on the table.

Jesse emerged from the basement and spotted Stephanie with the paper. "Anything happening in the news today?" he said, causing Stephanie to jump.

She sat up and rifled through the wrinkled pages, attempting to close the paper. "Oh, um, I'm not _reading _the paper," she said nervously. "Someone left it open on the table and I just decided to sit here and take a nap."

Jesse smiled and wagged a finger at his niece knowingly. "Is this about that current events article that's due tomorrow but you already 'got done in advance?'"

Stephanie slumped her shoulders. "Don't tell Dad," she pleaded.

"Don't worry, kid," Jesse said, pulling up a chair next to her. "I've had my suspicions all week. Your dad doesn't have a clue about them."

"It's so hard to find something good for current events. News always seems so pointless and confusing. My teacher says it has to be about something that interests or impacts me, and I have to talk in front of the class about it, too. It's impossible!" Stephanie complained.

"You know what? I'll help you," Jesse said. "If you can't find something that interests you on your own, we'll find something together."

"Thanks, Uncle Jesse," Stephanie said.

"Okay, what we need to do first is figure out a starting point. Which section of the newspaper would be most likely to have something that catches your eye?"

Stephanie pondered this for a second, as did Jesse. Their eyes both lit up at the obvious answer. "Entertainment!" they exclaimed simultaneously.

Stephanie flipped to page D1, the front cover of the Entertainment section. She scanned through every word of the celebrity gossip and new movies and turned the page, engrossed.

"Now, entertainment news can be a little tricky. Movie reviews don't exactly count as current events, at least from a Social Studies teacher's point of view. It has to be . . . " Jesse was cut off by a gasp from Stephanie.

"I found my article," she murmured.

"That fast?" Jesse said, incredulously. "Did you hear what I said about movie reviews not being current events?"

Stephanie just stared at the newspaper, wide-eyed. "Uncle Jesse, you seriously need to look at this article."

"Okay, what's so special about it?" Jesse inquired, peering over his niece's shoulder. Then, he read the headline she was looking at and his jaw dropped.

"Let me see that . . . " He grabbed the paper from Stephanie and read it aloud to himself. "'King of Rock and Roll's hair up for bid. Some lucky memorabilia collector could be about to find himself the owner of a lock of Elvis Presley's hair."

Jesse replaced the paper in front of Stephanie. "Steph, this is amazing! Are you absolutely sure that you need to keep this article?"

"Well, I've got no other hopes when it comes to this current events thing, so yeah, you could say I need it," Stephanie replied.

"Okay . . . " Jesse stroked his chin, considering his options. "Can I borrow it for a second so I can just write down some of the details?"

"Sure, I guess."

Stephanie handed the newspaper back to her uncle. Jesse ran to the counter and perused every word of the article, taking it all to heart. He took notes on the back of a piece of junk mail he dug out of the trash.

The patio door opened and Becky came through it with Alex and a bag of merchandise from the craft store. "Look, Alex, it's Daddy! Do you want to tell him what you and Nicky are going to make?"

Jesse turned around to look at his wife. "Hold that thought, Becky! I have something important. Are you free this weekend?"

"I guess I'm free," Becky answered, slightly frightened to see where this was going.

"Great, because first thing Friday afternoon, you and I are flying to Tennessee."

"Great . . . " was all the response that Jesse got.

Stephanie laughed as she walked over the counter and tore the article from the newspaper that she hoped to never, ever see again.

* * *

Stan Green, an old boyfriend of Elvis's daughter, was the one selling the lock of hair. His story claimed that while visiting Lisa Marie, he found a clump of what looked like a severed sideburn, unmistakably Elvis's, contained in a plastic baggie hanging around her room. In an impulse he hardly regretted, he nabbed the baggie and the hair inside. He assumed that years later, it would be extremely valuable, and he decided that now was the time.

So Stan set up an auction at Graceland to make his fortune. Most of the people who attended were collectors or fellow fortune-seekers, but then there was Jesse. Jesse was there as an enthusiast, and a crazy one at that. Owning something that came from his late idol's scalp was one of his lifelong dreams that he had only just discovered.

"Are you sure you really have to do this? There are some experienced people out there. It's going to go for a lot of money," Becky asked as they made their way to the front lawn of Graceland, where the auction was being held.

"Do I _have_ to do this?" Jesse replied incredulously. "Babe, the item being auctioned off here is the thing that inspired _this._" He slicked back his hair.

Becky rolled her eyes. "Whatever you say."

Jesse didn't hear her. He had spotted Stan Green, and he was so eager to meet the person who was supposedly going to reunite him with his dream that he had immediately run up to him.

Stan was a mousy man with round glasses and tragically uneven dark hair. He raised an eyebrow when he saw Jesse running towards him.

"May I help you, sir?" he inquired.

Jesse grinned and grabbed the man's hand. "My name is Jesse Katsopolis, and I just have to say, you are one of my heroes right now. I idolize the King, and to be able to buy a lock of his hair? It's like a dream come . . . " He drifted off when he saw his prize on the auctioneer's podium. "Is that _the _hair? _Elvis Presley's _hair?"

Stan fiddled with his glasses slightly and responded proudly. "Yes, Mr. Katsopolis, that would be Elvis's hair."

"Would it be okay if I –? "

"As long as you don't take it without paying, of course."

Jesse was nearly shaking with anticipation. Whether or not he would actually own it, he was about to come up close and personal with one of Elvis's sideburns, forever immortalized in a plastic baggie. But as he approached it, he sensed that something was wrong.

"Mr. Green, I'm pretty sure you don't have Elvis Presley's hair," he said, turning around to confront Stan.

Stan's eyes widened and he sputtered, "What do you mean?"

"I am an expert on hair, Stan. I know two things for sure. Number one: if Elvis died a few decades back, I'm pretty sure that he hasn't gotten a chance to shampoo his hair recently. And number two: the hair in that bag has most definitely been recently shampooed."

Stan was absolutely speechless.

"Also, Elvis's hair was darker than this. I know all of what he did was in black and white, but his hair was pure black in those movies and this hair would be more of a darkish gray." Jesse paused and eyed Stan. "You know, it's a really similar color to your obviously butchered, uneven hair."

Stan sighed and looked at the ground. "All right, you got me," he whispered. "I faked it to get back at Lisa Marie for breaking my heart so many years ago. But don't tell anybody else. It could ruin me!"

Jesse shook his head angrily. "Uh-uh, you're not getting off this easy. You faked a possession of the King himself! Isn't that a federal offense or something?"

"Possibly . . . " Stan shrugged sheepishly.

Jesse stormed of the stage to Becky. His face was beginning to turn red and he was getting very angry. "This man is a faker and a crook! That hair is a fake! It did not come from Elvis, it came from him! He could go to jail for fraud, and we are gonna be the ones to call the cops on him!" he shouted at his wife.

Becky rolled her eyes again. "Jesse, I think it would be best if we didn't call the cops and just left. God knows it would save my sanity as well as yours."

She hooked arms with her husband and led him away from the Graceland lawn while he made "I'm-watching-you" eyes at a bewildered Stan Green.

* * *

When Jesse and Becky got back to San Francisco, Stephanie was waiting for them at their front door.

"How did it go?" she asked.

"Can I ask a favor of you, Steph?" a frazzled Jesse said.

"Sure! Anything."

"If you need help with a current events project ever again, risk getting in trouble and ask your dad."

* * *

**A/N: You know the whole reviewing drill – I don't think I need to go over it again.**


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